The loss of a loved one and moving on from it

2:29 pm

Hello lovelies!

I hope you're all good. I've been absent for a while. I've been a bit busy and also a bit demotivated. Then things got ahead of me and I didn't priorities blogging. Sorry! Last month my grandmother passed away and that was a big event in my life. 

The loss of my grandmother affected me deeper than I thought. I was not ready to deal with it and so removed myself from any situation that would lead me to be reminded of her and the fact that she was gone. We regularly had family friends come visit to see us and my mum to share their messages of condolence. Most of the time during this I would stay in my room and pretend like this wasn't happening. I wanted everyone to just stay away and let us mourn alone. That is obviously not the best thought I should have had. I refused to speak to any of my friends about my grandmother, and for a good few weeks I didn't speak to any of my friends at all. This was something that was under my control, because they were MY friends, and not my family's. I repressed all my feelings, refusing to deal with them. It was too painful to face at the time. 

Slowly as the days past, I realised that I was somewhat becoming depressed. This scared me. I had depressive thoughts and a constant sad mood. This was normal though, after what I had been going through. To a certain extent I also felt angry and hostile towards the world. It was my subconscious repressed feelings that were making me feel so negative. Being negative is not something I do often, so it's a big change. I also noticed that my diet had changed drastically and I was constantly indulging in 'comfort' foods such as chocolate and cakes. I have a sweet tooth but I am good at managing my diet. I wasn't improving at all really and I wasn't doing much to help myself. 

Then, thankfully, I went on a short break to Amsterdam which was pre planned a few months in advance. If it wasn't already booked I may have not even wanted to go. I only started feeling excited in the few days before I left rather than feel ecstatic for a longer time beforehand. Then when we got there, I had fun. I actually really enjoyed myself. I slowly started to let go of all the negativity and started loving myself and my life again. I really made sure I had fun and did things that would make me happy. The change of space was helping me a lot and diverted my attention and negative thoughts. By the end of the short break I felt very refreshed and ready to face life again. 

When I got back to England on Friday evening, I started thinking. I realised that I was in a positive state (after so long) and decided I wasn't going to let that go. I decided that I was going to get back up on my feet and sort my life out. I started by making a list of things that I need to do, then getting in touch with my friends and enjoying our conversations and having a laugh with them like a always did. Today, it's Monday, and I feel good. I woke up early, worked out and went on a run outside in the (almost) lovely weather. I ate a good breakfast and feel prepared to face the week. I'm going to focus on eating healthier again and limit my chocolate and cheese (and other unhealthy foods) intake. I'm not cutting them out, but instead eat them in moderation. When I eat healthy and keep fit I feel amazing. It works wonder for my mood (and everything else about me too!) I also need to start drinking more water.


I realised that, even though my life situations may be out of my control, how I handle them, how I respond to them, how I feel about them and what I think about them, can affect my life greatly. They can affect me as a whole person. So going back to my usual self, I am just going to say that being positive is the best thing you can do for yourself. Focus on you, what you want, and how you're going to help make yourself be happy. 

Lots of love, keep smiling,
Ayesha xxx

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3 comments

  1. I don't think blogging would be the first thing I would be thinking about if I lost a close relative, don't even feel bad you have needed time to grieve.
    Good to see you back!

    Meme xx

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    www.thedayinthelifeof.co.uk

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  2. Oh Ayesha, I'm so sorry for your loss! My grandad passed away over a year ago and I still feel really emotional just thinking about it. I'm sure she was a wonderful woman. :)

    I think you've given yourself some great advice which is just so relevant for lie...How we handle things can affect everything! I'm going to try and be more positive too! :)

    T xo

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  3. Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji’un!
    I'm soo sorry for your loss hun! May Allah swt grant your grandmother a place in Jannat Al Firdous. May Allah swt give you and your family patience during this hard time. I'm always here if you need a friend to talk to hun and it's great hearing your getting back to your old self.

    Lots of love,
    Ramsha | Rose
    xxx

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